Friday, April 1, 2011

What We Have Here is a Failure to Communicate

I'm always fascinated by the breakdown in communication that can occur when you order a cake. I love figuring out what went wrong just by looking at the cake; it beats any crossword puzzle or word jumble.

Sometimes the explanation is pretty straight forward:

As you can see, there is in fact a "Coca Cola can/bottle" on this cake.


Other times there's a severe misunderstanding from the get-go:

I like to think that if they'd spelled "capital" correctly they might have figured it out.


Sometimes you specifically ask for little plastic "Happy Birthday sticks" stuck in your order of cupcakes:



Other times you're just not specific enough:



And sometimes, on wonderful, rare occasions, you get an amazingly talented baker. A baker with mad piping skills, a steady hand, and perfect spelling. A baker who, incidentally, is also a little hard of hearing. So, when you get this baker, and you want to order a giant Gerber daisy on your cake, just be sure you enunciate really, really well.

Because otherwise...

You might get the Gerber Baby.

(Yes, really. Scout's honor.)


A big "thanks" in all caps to Heather F., Brianne H., Jessie B., Kristina R., & Kelly Y., who had some 'splaining to do on her last birthday.


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In Moderation

Each day here on Cake Wrecks, we get literally tens of comments. Some days, if the post is particularly funny (read: offensive) we get even more. And, most of the time, these comments fall into one of several categories. Let's take a look, shall we?

Good commenters
--------------------------------------
The Enthusiast:

"BWAHAHAHAHA!!! LOVE IT!!! I literally threw up a little bit in my mouth, spit coffee all over my keyboard, and peed my pants. BEST. POST. EVAH!!!"


The Informer:

"The design on cake #2 is actually a perfect reproduction of the ficus remidius leaf found in Northern Kentucky between the months of June and August in a little patch of forest near Lake Onomakahatitikaka.

"Nice post, though."


The Optimist:

"At least the writing is pretty! And the balloons don't look like sperm!"


The Storyteller:

"Great post! It reminds me of this trip I took to Prague in 1982 with my cousin's roommate and Charlie Sheen. It was the dead of winter, I had a sombrero and a waffle iron and only four bullets left in my clip, and...well, to make a long story short, I still don't know what happened to that hooker's pet monkey."


Bad commenters
---------------------------------------

The Name Builder:

"Mike Johnson thinks this cake is terrible. Mike Johnson can't believe it. Mike Johnson wouldn't eat that cake if someone gave it to Mike Johnson for Mike Johnson's birthday! Mike Johnson Mike Johnson Mike Johnson Mike Johnson"


The Newbie:

"Um, I'm pretty sure that's "Epcot" from Disney (you can tell by the Disney font), and I don't see ANY daisies. Plus, what's the deal with those babies sitting on carrots? Looks a bit off, if you ask me."


The Spammer:

"Thank you for the information! Very informative! Free Viagra! Free Nikes! Buy Pharmacy Meds Cheap! Jessica Alba Nude!"


Thanks to Ticia, Darla D., Kelli P., Lauren H., Amanda J., Drew C., & Melissa K., who will now all be leaving wholly original comments about Charlie Sheen's new pet monkey.


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Opera Mini Returns To GetJar?s Mobile App Marketplace

A few weeks ago, after the debut of the Opera App Store, app marketplace GetJar banned Opera's mobile browsing app Opera Mini from its own mobile app marketplace. The reasoning: Opera's App Store was available in the app and competes directly with GetJar's marketplace. Today, it appears a truce has been made, as Opera Mini 6 is now back in the GetJar store. GetJar remains committed to offering consumers the best possible content regardless of category, phone or platform, said Patrick Mork, CMO of GetJar. Opera Mini has been a great partner and one of our top apps for many years and our users will be happy to have a bigger and better version of Opera Mini back in our store.

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Bridal Terrors

A lot of brides like to give their bakers a photo of their dream wedding cake, in the hopes that they might, in fact, get a cake that looks at least vaguely similar.

However, as you long-time readers know, this can be a lot like asking Francois the painting ferret* to whip you up a quick Mona Lisa. Some of the colors might be right, but in the end it's probably gonna be covered in fur and little poo nuggets. (The painting, that is, not the cake.) (We hope.)

For example:

Amanda C. asked for this, only in white and with a C:



And, in the baker's defense...

...that is most definitely a C.


Jei gave this picture to the head "chef" at a "luxury" beach "resort":


And she got...this:

I can't decide which is classier: the oozing cake or those water bottles.

Do you think the bride had to spring for those?
[chortle]


Candice F. wanted this mushroom cake:


And her baker's interpretation?

Aw, those Alaska bakers: such fun guys.


Joanne and Elena wanted this stunner for their wedding:


And, to be fair, what they got did leave them stunned:

I would ask what happened to the flowers, but those squiggles have left me speechless.


And finally, Christie D. wanted her cake to look just like this, only with silver ribbon:

Pretty simple, right?

Well, here's an interesting factoid: did you know that "silver ribbon" can be translated as "duct tape"* in some bakeries? It's true. Here's proof:

That's "35 years of experience" right there.

So I'd hate to see what only two decades' worth would look like.


Thanks to brides Amanda C., Jei, Candice F., Joanne & Elena C., and Christie D. for making me feel better about my $80 Publix wedding cake.


*Note: Not actual duct tape. Duct tape is prettier.

*Update from john: Loyal Wrecky Henchperson Shannon S. sent in this helpful illustration:

Quick! Somebody give me a clever ferret pun!
(I love my job)


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10 Totally New Ways to Play with Instagram

Extra photos for bloggers: 1, 2, 3. Instagram is your life. It’s what you think about when you get up in the morning (Instagram delish breakfast), while you’re at work (Instagram new plastic dino), and when you’re out with friends (Instagram buddy’s craaazy new tat). You’re not alone. Instagram fans all over the world are [...]

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